expression

trying to write in ENGLISH
try to improve my English
to match with my lover -darren chua
i afraid , i worry, i scare
have gap with his family
moreover i feel like i am a low educated compare to him><
i realize that my english is worst
i was like high and dry (alone and helpless)
i felt inferiority to be myself
i heard they was speaking fluency
i was so admired
how can it to be
anyone can teach mi
but..i have a LAZY worm inside my body..
i cant wake it up..
i really hope i can be High educated
can i pretend>< ^^
i do everything toward him..
am i??
MAYBE..
he is mine..
i scare i will lose him
i cant accept he leave mi alone
is that he is my true love?
i had dream about him to be my husband
oh my god...
it was like out of hand in my mind ( out of control)